Posted: 16 month(s) and 3 days(s) ago   |   3 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 2 1
Posted by: Tyson

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
‘Amazing!’ he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.’ I can get away from him - no problem!’ thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph.

Suddenly, he thought, ‘What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!’ So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, ‘Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.’

The man looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.’

‘Have a good day, Sir,’ said the policeman.

 =======NEVER DRIVE WITH YOUR WIFE========

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
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I love this part.... :

'Only when he's been drinking.'

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Posted: 16 month(s) and 8 days(s) ago   |   1 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 0 0
Posted by: Tyson

WASHINGTON | Finally, the outlines of a coherent debate on the federal bailout. This comes as welcome relief from a campaign season that gave us the House Republicans’ know-nothing rejectionism, John McCain’s mindless railing against “greed and corruption” and Barack Obama’s detached enunciation of vacuous bailout “principles” that allowed him to be all things to all people.

Now clarity is emerging. The fault line is the auto industry bailout. The Democrats are pushing hard for it. The White House is resisting.

Underlying the policy differences is a philosophical divide. The Bush administration sees the $700 billion rescue as an emergency measure to save the financial sector on the grounds that finance is a utility. No government would let the electric companies go under and leave the country without power. By the same token, government must save the financial sector lest credit dry up and strangle the rest of the economy.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson is willing to stretch the meaning of “bank” by extending protection to such entities as American Express. But fundamentally, he sees government as saving institutions that deal in money, not other stuff.

Democrats have a larger canvas, with government intervening in other sectors of the economy to prevent the cascade effect of mass unemployment leading to more mortgage defaults and business failures (as consumer spending plummets), in turn dragging down more businesses and financial institutions, producing more unemployment, etc. — the death spiral of the 1930s.

With almost 5 million workers supported by the auto industry, Democrats are pressing for a federal rescue. But the problems are obvious.

First, the arbitrariness. Where do you stop? Once you’ve gone beyond the financial sector, every struggling industry will make a claim on the federal treasury. What are the grounds for saying yes or no?

Second is the sheer inefficiency. Saving Detroit means saving it from bankruptcy. Bankruptcy can allow operations to continue while helping shed fatally unsupportable obligations.

The point of the Democratic bailout is to protect the unions by preventing this kind of restructuring.

Which will guarantee the continued failure of these companies, but now they will burn tens of billions of taxpayer dollars. It’s the ultimate in lemon socialism.

Liberals have always wanted the auto companies to produce the kind of cars they insist everyone should drive: small, light, green and cute. Now they will have the power to do it.

If you think we have economic troubles today, consider the effects of nationalizing an industry of this size, now run by bureaucrats issuing production quotas to meet politically mandated fuel-efficiency standards — to lift us to the sunny uplands of the coming green utopia.

Republican minimalism — saving the credit-issuing utilities — certainly risks not doing enough. But the Democratic drift toward massive industrial policy threatens to grow into the guaranteed inefficiencies of command-economy maximalism. In this crisis, we agree to suspend the invisible hand of Adam Smith, but not in order to be crushed by the heavy hand of government.

http://www.kansascity.com/273/story/895779.html

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Posted: 16 month(s) and 14 days(s) ago   |   5 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 1 0
Posted by: Tyson

Across 46 years, 22 films and six leading actors, the James Bond film legacy has featured some of the world’s most luxurious and iconic sportscars.  From the signature Aston Martin DB5 in Goldfinger to the Lotus Esprit Turbo in For Your Eyes Only, 007 has spared no expense in choosing his wheels.  To celebrate the release of the Quantum of Solace, here’s a list of the 007 hottest cars from the James Bond Legacy…

001: the BMW Z8

In the 1999 film The World Is Not Enough, James Bond piloted this bad little Beemer before it was officially produced by BMW.  Apparently, those are the kind of perks that accompany a license to kill.  During filming, the crew actually used a series of working mock-ups of the Z8 that vary a bit from the official production car.  After the first model rolled out of the factory, all 5,703 of the original BMW Z8’s sold out, going for a starting price of $128,000.

002: the Alfa Romeo 159

The Alfa Romeo 159 is among the latest James Bond sportscars, as featured in the 2008 Bond film Quantum of Solace.  This one, however, isn’t driven by 007– but a chase scene rival pitted against Bond’s Aston Martin.  During the production of the film, the set was closed down due to a third and terrible accident where a stuntman driving the 159 crashed into a wall.  The stuntman was airlifted to a nearby hospital where he lay in a coma for days– the same hospital in which he was treated for injuries in shooting the same scene days prior.  If you perform your own stunts and want a piece of the Bond villainy action, you can get your hands on an Alfa Romeo 159 for around $33k before import costs…

003: the 1971 Mustang Mach-1

In 1971’s Diamonds Are Forever, 007 took to the streets of Las Vegas in a Ford Mustang Mach-1– in hot pursuit of the Las Vegas Police.  Diamonds was Sean Connery’s last film, but also the first film in history to feature the now-famous “two-wheeled stunt”, where a car is lifted off the ground, balancing on two wheels on one side of the car.  The ‘71 Mach-1 featured plenty of muscle in its 429hp V8 option, which will fetch you around $25,000 well-restored on today’s market.

004: the Aston Martin DBS

Bond’s Aston Martin finally got itself a facelift.  Like the BMW Z8, the Aston Martin DBS was featured in a Bond film before it hit the public.  This $265,000 Aston Martin features a 6.0L V12 pushing 510 horses to hit 62mph in 4.3 seconds.  The DBS was pitted against that Alpha Romeo 159 above, and this one didn’t escape without bruises either.  During filming, a stuntdriver reportedly lost control of the Aston Martin– which wound up in Lake Garda in Italy…

005: the Toyota 2000GT

Produced between 1967 and 1970, the Toyota 2000GT was built in very limited numbers, designed to show that Japanese autos could compete with the sportscars of Europe.  Apparently James Bond took notice, as the 2000GT was famously featured in 1967’s You Only Live Twice.  However, Bond’s 2000GT had a slight problem– Sean Connery was too tall to fit in the Toyota, so a convertible version was made to compensate.  While the original 2000GT sold in the U.S. for $6,800, it can be found at auction today for as high as $200,000.

006: the Lotus Esprit

In 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me featuring Roger Moore, the Lotus Esprit became one of Q’s most impressive sportscar mods.  In a long chase scene between 007 and the infamous Bond-villain Jaws, Bond’s Lotus Esprit makes a cunning escape by transforming into a fully-diveable submarine.  While a submersible version featuring that bikini blonde above are not available today, a similar Lotus Esprit could be originally purchased for around $16,800 at the dealer in 1977.

007: the Aston Martin DB5

Last but certainly not least– the original Bond-mobile, the 1963 Aston Martin DB5.  In the 1964 film Goldfinger, 007 was provided with a weaponized DB5 by Q Branch himself.  Aston Martin, however, wasn’t so keen on the deal.  After much negotiating, Aston Martin finally agreed to a product placement deal that made automotive history for the brand.  The DB5 was the latest-and-greatest sportscar to be produced in the UK, initially selling for $13,000.  Its inline six engine produced 282hp to hit 62mph in 8.1 seconds.  Bond’s version, however, was outfitted with an array of gadgets from smokescreens to heavy machine guns.  Its not the weaponry that makes the Aston Martin DB5 a legend– it is its design which symbolizes the class and cool that has made James Bond the legend he is today.  If there is one car that fully explains what StyleCrave is about, you’re looking at it, front and center.

http://stylecrave.com/2008-11-11/the-007-hottest-cars-from-the-james-bond-legacy/

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Posted: 16 month(s) and 23 days(s) ago   |   5 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 0 1
Posted by: Tyson

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

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 "Every-Vote-Count" go support your candidates by casting your vote and reminder to vote yes on prop 8 *_^

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