Mywallst WallSt.net WallSt TV WallSt Radio
Tyson's Blogs - Premium Member
Jun
27
Posted: 5 month(s) and 10 days(s) ago   |   2 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 0 0
Posted by: Tyson
1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
3rd responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th intercedes: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says: "I like engineers... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

   Add Comment / Rating
Jun
23
Posted: 5 month(s) and 14 days(s) ago   |   1 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 0 0
Posted by: Tyson

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:

*****


a. If they are counting the bricks , put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering .
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations , they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved , put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day , put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window , put them in Strategic Planning .
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management


   Add Comment / Rating
Jun
09
Posted: 5 month(s) and 28 days(s) ago   |   1 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 0 0
Posted by: Tyson

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."


   Add Comment / Rating
Jun
03
Posted: 6 month(s) and 4 days(s) ago   |   0 Comment(s)   |   Rating: 0 0
Posted by: Tyson


Afraid to start investing? Here are five tricks to help you succeed.

Many of the most worthwhile things in life are scary at first. Consider, for example, going to school for the first time, falling in love, learning to drive, starting a family, figuring out your new Tivo...

Investing is no exception. The thought of possibly losing any money is a terrifying prospect. And the fact that today's economy has seen better days probably isn't helping those fears. Investing in the stock market has its risks. But if you give in to fear, you'll pass up some incredible opportunities -- ones that come with big dollar signs attached.

 RELATED LINKS
30-Minute Investing Start-Up Kit
How to Pick a Target Fund
The 25 Best Mutual Funds

Now is actually a good time for young adults to bite the bullet and get started investing. Think of the market downturn as a clearance sale: It's a good idea to go shopping before prices climb again.

Bottom line: Surrendering to fear only holds you back. If you want to get ahead financially, you've got to invest in your future. Below are five common excuses and the strategies you'll need to overcome them.


FEAR: I don't want to lose all my money.
CONQUER IT: Diversify.

If your investments are too heavily weighted in one stock or even one particular kind of stock, you can deep-six your savings goal. (Remember the tech bubble?) Mutual funds are a good way to achieve instant diversification because they allow you to invest in dozens of stocks within a single fund.

One of the quickest ways to diversify if you're new to investing is with a fund of funds such as T. Rowe Price's Spectrum Growth (symbol PRSGX). It invests in ten T. Rowe Price stock funds. The Fidelity, T. Rowe Price and Vanguard target retirement fundsare also fine choices. Or, if you'd like something a little more conservative in this uncertain market, go for a so-called "balanced" fund that owns stocks as well as bonds, such as Fidelity Balanced (FBALX). But bear in mind that, for long-term goals, stocks should earn you the highest return. (See The Beauty of Balance to learn more about balanced funds.)


FEAR: How will I know the best time to invest?
CONQUER IT: Dollar-cost-average.

There's no crystal ball that tells you exactly when the market will rise and fall. The trick is to invest regularly no matter what the market is doing. A simple strategy called dollar-cost averaging eliminates the guesswork. By investing a fixed dollar amount at regular intervals, such as every month or every quarter, you smooth out the ups and downs of the market. This trick takes out all the emotion -- it's scary to invest when the market's falling, for example -- and investing becomes much less daunting.

Mutual funds are, again, a great investment for dollar-cost averaging because you aren't charged a commission each time you buy (like you are for individual stocks).


FEAR: I'm too queasy for the ups and downs of investing.
CONQUER IT: Ignore your investments.

When you obsess over how your investment is doing from day to day or week to week, you could be more tempted to tinker with it instead of sticking to your long-term diversified plan. Not to mention, you'll probably lose sleep.

That's not to say you shouldn't ever reevaluate your investment choices. Just don't fixate on them. See When to Make a Clean Break From Your Funds to learn when it's time to say goodbye.


FEAR: I don't have the time or knowledge to manage a portfolio well.
CONQUER IT: All-in-one funds or index funds.

Think simple. When you start investing and aren't sure what you're doing, don't pretend you do. Truth is, most actively managed mutual funds don't beat their market benchmarks. If those fund managers have the time, the education and the motivating paycheck and they can't pull it off, don't worry if you're afraid you can't either.

Go with one of the aforementioned target funds or funds of funds to achieve instant diversification. Or assemble a simple index fund portfolio. Index funds don't try to beat the market benchmarks, they match them. Put 75% of your money into a fund that tracks the overall U.S. stock market, such as Fidelity Total Market Index Fund (FSTMX) and 25% into one that tracks international stocks, such as Fidelity Spartan International Index (FSIIX). Then let 'em ride. As your investments rise and fall, all you'll have to do is realign your money every year or so to maintain the proper weighting in each fund. See Do It Yourself Portfolios for more index fund strategies.

One more way to set it and forget it: Sign up with your broker or fund company to have your regular contributions automatically withdrawn from your bank account.


FEAR: What if I need the money?
CONQUER IT: Set clear goals and choose your investments accordingly.

Before you start investing, write down what you're investing for and when you think you'll need the money.

If you'll need the money within the next three to five years, preservation is your number-one aim. Put that money somewhere safe and accessible such as a money-market mutual fund or a high-yield online savings account. You could also opt for a bank certificate of deposit. But bear in mind your money is locked in for the term of the CD, and you'll pay a hefty penalty if you need to cash out early.

If you're investing for the long term, growth is your goal. Invest that money in a broad-based mutual fund that holds mostly stocks. If disaster strikes and you really need the money, you can cash out at any time -- but you'll have to pay taxes on the money you made.

 SOURCE: http://www.kiplinger.com/columns/starting/archive/2008/st0312.htm 


   Add Comment / Rating